About a month ago, my fiancé lost his job. I had already been considering looking for a second, part-time job, but when we got the news I realized I would have to step up my game and actively start looking and filling out applications. I had been doing really well and was exercising every day and eating much better than I had been, and was just starting to feel that it was paying off, when I stopped altogether. I told myself it was OK because I had to look for a job and my extra time was better spent filling out applications and sending out my resume than it was jogging or going to the gym. Instead of making myself a healthy dinner, I’d heat up some ramen noodles and eat chips while I sat at the computer. All the good work I had started went right down the drain.
I’m still looking for a job, and got a call from Home Depot today, but had to let it go to voice mail because I was at work and it just doesn’t seem right to take a call for work when I’m at work, so I’ll have to make sure I call tomorrow during my lunch break. But what really upsets me is that I got on the scale today and was smacked in the face with the reality that I’ve put on another five pounds.
I feel like absolute crap. None of my clothes fit right and I feel like a blob. I just can’t believe I’ve done this to myself. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been and I can’t seem to get it into my fool head that it takes hard work and dedication to make changes. I want to cry, but I really can’t because this is my fault. I let my health and well-being take a backseat to everything else and now I realize that not only do I look and feel like shit, but I’m going to have to work doubly hard to see some results. I just wish I could stop making excuses for myself and do the work I know I have to do.
I did go for a jog around the pond today, and I could see again that I’ve put myself behind. The last time I did a lap around the pond I could make it the entire way without stopping. Today I couldn’t do that. I guess I’m back at square one…