What have I done?

About a month ago, my fiancé lost his job. I had already been considering looking for a second, part-time job, but when we got the news I realized I would have to step up my game and actively start looking and filling out applications. I had been doing really well and was exercising every day and eating much better than I had been, and was just starting to feel that it was paying off, when I stopped altogether. I told myself it was OK because I had to look for a job and my extra time was better spent filling out applications and sending out my resume than it was jogging or going to the gym. Instead of making myself a healthy dinner, I’d heat up some ramen noodles and eat chips while I sat at the computer. All the good work I had started went right down the drain.

I’m still looking for a job, and got a call from Home Depot today, but had to let it go to voice mail because I was at work and it just doesn’t seem right to take a call for work when I’m at work, so I’ll have to make sure I call tomorrow during my lunch break. But what really upsets me is that I got on the scale today and was smacked in the face with the reality that I’ve put on another five pounds.

I feel like absolute crap. None of my clothes fit right and I feel like a blob. I just can’t believe I’ve done this to myself. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been and I can’t seem to get it into my fool head that it takes hard work and dedication to make changes. I want to cry, but I really can’t because this is my fault. I let my health and well-being take a backseat to everything else and now I realize that not only do I look and feel like shit, but I’m going to have to work doubly hard to see some results. I just wish I could stop making excuses for myself and do the work I know I have to do.

I did go for a jog around the pond today, and I could see again that I’ve put myself behind. The last time I did a lap around the pond I could make it the entire way without stopping. Today I couldn’t do that. I guess I’m back at square one…

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How do you keep this up!?

I’ve been fairly (well, really) lazy lately and just haven’t worked out. My eating habits leave a bit to be desired. So last night when I got home from work I immediately (well, after taking the dog out), got into my workout clothes and was at the gym before I even realized what I was doing. I did a thirty-minute interval workout on the elliptical and then went back home to do my Firm stability ball workout (my favorite home workout).

While at the gym on the elliptical, I could see that my heart rate was up and I was getting a good burn, but I still didn’t feel like I was really accomplishing anything. I wanted to just give up and dig into another chapter in my book, but I promised myself I’d make some changes, so I got out my Swiss ball and did another half hour to my video.

I felt pretty good after everything was over. I was a little out of breath and my arms were burning from the push ups, but I felt OK. This morning, though…I am in major pain! My back is so sore that I’ve pretty much been catatonic in my desk chair this morning, afraid to move. My hips are screaming every time I get up! I knew I ‘d be sore for the first week or so as my body adjusts to the activities, but this is just the pits! How do people stay motivated to do this all the time?!

My questions for today: How do you stay motivated when all you want to do is curl up in a ball? What do you do to stay upbeat when you don’t see the kind of results you expected?

Jillian Michaels, why are you trying to kill me?

I failed miserably last week, but I’m trying to let it go. I have a terrible problem with motivation. I got mad Sunday because as I was getting ready to go to our first ever bridal expo my jeans were definitely too snug and I felt gross and fat all morning. I think that’s pretty good motivation for getting my ass in gear.

Last night I did workout 1 of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. I had tried it before a few months ago and only got about five minutes in when I gave up. The cardio is still tough for me and even though there are only a few minutes of true cardio like jumping jacks and running in place, it still wears me out. Anyway, I gave it another try last night and while I saw vast improvements over last time, I still wasn’t able to finish. It’s enough to make a girl feel pathetic, really.

I’m a little sore this morning, but on top of that, I’m sick. So I probably won’t be giving it another shot quite yet. Sigh… We’ll see soon if this is really working and if I get a little better at is, because it does seem like a good workout.

Why am I so lame?

Yesterday began week 2 of my “reaching awesomeness” plan. I designed this totally awesome cardio/upper body workout and was psyched to hit the gym. Which I did. At 7:30 in the evening. It was packed and all the machines were taken. WHAT?! What are all these people doing working out at 7:30? Clearly, that is what time I need to be working out 😛

So I thought, “no biggie, I’ll just make dinner and go back later tonight before bed.” I really intended to go back. And then I fell asleep at 9:30. FML.

Tonight is the night! I am recovering from a Sunday full of eating crap and a Monday of sleeping and will go to the gym. If I have to do jumping jacks and burpees in my living room, I WILL do cardio tonight!

“Mr. Jelly, did you DIE?!”

Yes, I think last night’s workout may have killed me. Seriously. I thought I could just hit the gym and rock out some incline intervals on the treadmill, then do some jump rope circuits in my living room and still have energy to make dinner and be productive.

That’s not AT ALL what happened. Sigh. I did try the incline walking workout that I stole (borrowed?) from pbfingers.com: Treadmill walking workout. 4.0 pace? Hah! Yea right! I started at 4.0 with confidence…and lasted about 30 seconds. Then I went down to 3.8. Then 3.5. I ended up at 3.1 and was able to stick it out there. Don’t hold on to the sides? Again, hah! Did not happen! By about minute 9 I was gasping for breath and holding on to the grips for dear life. I somehow felt that hoofing it at that pace while holding on to the machine was better than slowing down or dropping the incline. I have no idea if that makes sense.

In any case, I did finish twenty minutes, but I was near death at the end. My heart rate monitor showed that my heart was as furious as my lungs and legs. Oh, dear. Whatever ambitions I had of then doing any rope jumping was out the window. I was able to shower, somehow stay standing while making dinner, and then crashed and was asleep before ten o’clock. Awesome.

We’ll see what happens tonight when I attempt more cardio and a core workout. Wish me luck! I will need it!

No more excuses in the new year! For realz.

Ok, so, here’s the deal (I almost felt like saying “earth” right there). Last year was crazy ridiculous and A TON of awesome stuff happened. In short:

  • Phil and I got REAL, FULL-TIME, PERMANENT jobs!!
  • We moved out of our parents’ houses (don’t judge us) and got our own apartment!
  • We got ENGAGED!!!!
  • I got a Mustang!!

So 2011 was pretty intensely great. It made me realize that there are a lot of things that I want to do and accomplish and who I want around with me when I do them. I’m young, I’m fun, and I’m not going to squander all these wonderful things.

That being said, at twenty-five I am 5 foot 3 and 165 pounds. There. I said it. I’m not proud of it, but now it’s out there. The problem is, I don’t want to be 165 pounds and unhealthy. I want Phil and I to lead active, healthy, productive, creative lives (and spend them together)! I want us to have fun and spend time with friends and be outdoors and have adventures. I don’t want to live my life on the couch watching reruns of The Office.

This week we’ve started turning things around and this is the first time I’ve felt confident past the first two days. I feel like this is something we can finally do. It’s something I can be accountable for and not give up on. It’s something that is for us and for our life together, and that’s important. So by our wedding date of 10/12/13, I want to reach my goal weight of 120 pounds of lean, strong muscle. I want to be healthy and climb fourteeners with my friend in Colorado. I want to run a half marathon! Maybe even a full marathon!! (Well…let’s not get too ahead of ourselves quite yet). I want to actually look like the confident, beautiful woman that I know I am (arrogant much? Seriously though…I’m getting married. I have to have faith that I’ll be a beautiful bride).

As cliche as it is, this is a new year and I’m starting a new life with the man I truly love. So I’ve found the direction I’d like this little blog to travel. This will be my reminder for all the times that I don’t want to get on the treadmill and do intervals. It will be my motivation when I don’t think I can do one single more pushup. I can. And I will. I hope someone other than myself finds it helpful.

Cheers!!…rachel

Oh, hello there

Oh, dear! I had a feeling this blog idea would be a bad one… I am always so bad at updating! What can I say, work has been hectic (and a bit draining) and so when I get home I’m always so lazy.

Well, that’s not true…I’ve been working out this week and I’m so sore that I can’t move, so I just sit on the couch and feel like crying. I also came to the realization that I am very bad at book reviews. They remind me too much of book reports from the third grade. I would so much rather discuss a book with someone that write about what I read. Sigh… I’ve made a new work friend who is interested in much the same genres that I am right now and he’s always asking me what I’m reading and how far I’ve gotten and I feel so ashamed when I’m still reading the same book I was when he asked me three weeks ago. Where has all my reading time gone?

In other, completely unrelated news, Halloween is over and it is almost Thanksgiving, and therefore almost Christmas, and that makes me happy. Except that I don’t have much money for gifts. And I feel like a self-indulgent ass because I’m going to Vegas during the beginning of December. Ahh well, I need a break. I’ll try to think up some good blog topics while I pack for my trip 😀

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